Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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