his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
