peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
