So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
