a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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