I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
