my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
