I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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