Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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