you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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