im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
