So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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