just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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