Sry I called you an 8
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
