It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
