The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
