Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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