And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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