The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize