WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
