Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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