We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
