Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
