I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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