I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
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Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
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I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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