So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
