so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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