I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
