I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
