did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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