It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
