The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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