Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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