How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
