i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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