Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
