I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
