It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
