i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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