I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
