From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
