My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
