He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
