is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
