If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
