The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
