One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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