I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize