This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
