Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
