you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
there is puke in my bra ... again
So. Much. Porn.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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