I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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