in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
