we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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