shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
