someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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