Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
