fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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