I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
