What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
