Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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