We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
