I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
