i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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