Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
After last night, I could never be a politician.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it's great music for shaving your balls
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
