I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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